Last year, I wrote the blog which follows. In honor of Lindsey Sterling's new song "Shatter Me", I thought this might be a good time to repost. The lyrics speak to fear and the need to shatter the glass if we are to feel alive. Hope you enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/user/lindseystomp

Reposted :

About 18 months ago, my son bounced down the stairs from his room beaming from ear to ear. He had heard an amazing new artist and couldn’t be more pleased at his “discovery”. I followed him up and together, we watched her youtube video. Her talent was undeniable and I would find out more recently, that her teachings (however unconscious) were even more meaningful.

For Christmas, we purchased tickets for the family to see Lindsey Stirling in concert. She was coming to a venue in our area and I thought my son would love it. He did. Her concert was unbelievable and her talent unquestionable, but what I took away from that night would forever change my worldview.

I occasionally show her early music video (attached below) with leadership teams that I work with. I love watching the audience’s reaction and I am sure it echoes mine the first time I saw it. Some are brought to tears, others remain speechless, many are moved beyond words and ALL are awestruck. At her concert, Lindsey shared a portion of her journey with the audience. 18 months ago, this talented young girl was told by record producers (do we still use this term?) that she was not good enough. Really? She was not good enough?

As she thanked her audience for making her famous through social media venues such as youtube, I was inspired by a new reality. So often, our fear limits our choices. It forces us to relinquish to old paradigms that seem stable and true, but actually are outdated and antiquated.  We believe that what is stopping us is a true opinion others have projected unto us. Too frequently, this opinion becomes our reality. This was my first lesson that evening: nothing can hold back our passion and purpose. Sometimes, we just need to move past our own paradigms of what is and is not possible. Sometimes, we must go beyond the boundaries society establishes and shatter them with creative and innovative alternatives.

Her concert featured several other artists who “opened” for her. Like her, their fame was driven by social media and an adoring public following. This became my second lesson of the evening: collaboration.  From these artists radiated a core belief that we can all be successful if we support and collaborate with one another. Too often in our society, we hold and act on the perception that your success must equal my failure. We step over each other in the hopes that it will help us “get ahead”. Yet, our evolutionary survival has always been contingent upon supporting one another through cooperation and collaboration. Where did that message get lost? When did we begin accepting the belief that for me to win, you must lose? In reality, what research will tell us is that in organizations and in life, those who help each other "get ahead" also experience great success.

That became my final gift from the night. A continued renewal and reminder that we can all be successful. There is room and space for everyone to show up and contribute their best. We have an ability (and actually an obligation) to move through our fear and support our deeper calling- despite all the barriers others throw up in front of us. The fears the others project do NOT need to become our reality.

Becoming better leaders (and people for that matter) requires a skills in self awareness. Without the capacity to be aware, reflect and learn, we remain stuck- engaging in behavior that do not serve us or those we lead. The concept of learning agility merely speaks to our willingness and ability to learn from experiences and then apply those lessons to new events.

Learning-agile individuals practice disciplined personal development in five ways:

1. Innovating: They are not afraid to challenge the status quo 2. Performing: They remain calm in the face of difficulty 3. Reflecting: They take time to reflect on their experiences 4. Risking: They purposefully put themselves in challenging situations 5. Defending: They are simply open to learning and resist the temptation to become defensive in the face of adversity

In reviewing this list, where do you have strength in terms of tour learning agility? where might you have gaps?

This morning, I received the following comment on a blog interview.  The notion that fear is a motivator is common and I thought you might find value in reading the discussion thread.

AA-Sampang Riyard Posted: I disagree....I use the fear of disappointment and fear of failure as a major motivator. I have real expectations for my subordin...ates and they know that if they don't work to meet those expectations they are not going to be relied upon in the future and they will eventually lose their position on the best team in our organization; they can go be complacent on someone else's team. I don't want people to work for me that don't have an internal fear of failure, that won't work hard to exceed standards, that won't go out of their way to support the team in achieving our mission...and I don't want anyone who is complacent or ignorant enough not to be afraid of failure...if they aren't afraid of failing, then our goals aren't challenging enough or they don't have an understanding of the situation or the mission requirements...I don't take missions that are 100%. It's my job to create the environment and give them the tools to avoid failures, and it is my job to support them when they have an honest failure.

Laurie Cure Response: Happy Thanksgiving. I want to offer a couple of thoughts (and I will try not to write another book). I think our perspectives are actually in alignment. First, I would like to genuinely acknowledge and applaud your leadership. It sounds as if you have built a team of high performance, which is not easy to do. What I notice in your post, more than fear, is your ability to motivate your team through the establishment of “real expectations”, challenging work (as demonstrated in your statement about “exceed standards”), and strong levels of support. I also appreciated your statement, “it is my job to create the environment and give them the tools to avoid failures, and. . . to support them when have an honest failure”. As I consider those statements, what I actually see is a leader who moves their people through fear and helps them get to the other side of fear so they can perform.

There are several items worthy of consideration. First, is that fear, along with all emotion, operates along a continuum. More extreme levels of fear are driven by threat, uncertainty and a sense that one has little control over their circumstances. In these situations, I will argue (and research will support) that fear decreases motivation, performance, creativity and drive. It paralyzes us and we can’t function to our fullest potential. If we believe this, then what leaders can do in teams and organizations is to shift these three variables. To move people from fear, we must decrease the threat level. We do this is 2 primary ways.

1. Provide employees with more certainty around the situation they are in. The best way to do this (as I discuss in my book), is to establish clear expectations. This appears to be exactly what you actually do with your team to get them to perform to higher levels. Accountability and excellence are derived from the establishment of high expectations.

2. Allow employees more control over their circumstances or situation. The more individual control leaders provide their teams, the less fear they experience. As a side note, this is also critically important for accountability.

While this argument might seem to be a matter of semantics, it is an important distinction. As we shift these variables, we actually move into a different emotional experience along the continuum. What I see you doing in your leadership is not leading with fear, but rather offering challenge. You have provided enough support and clarity in expectations that you reduce the uncertainty thereby moving your team from fear to challenge. Employees can function and actually thrive in environments where they are challenged. They cannot perform effectively in environments of fear.

The last item I want to comment on is your statement about fear of failure. This is a common fear. In my research and with those I work with (including myself), when there is a deep seeded fear of failure, they become stuck and paralyzed. People will stay in positions that they have outgrown instead of pursuing new roles, they will only perform to requirements instead of going above and beyond and their level of innovative thinking decreases. In my mind, there is a big difference between leading with fear and motivating employees through high expectations and natural consequences (i. e., your point that they are not relied upon in the future). What I might propose, is that rather than encouraging a fear of failure, you are actually practicing strong leadership by establishing solid, high expectations (the first step in my accountability model), creating environments of support and offering the resources people need to be successful. When I consult with clients, I am seeking the exact outcomes you state: excellence, challenge, motivation, and courage. However, when individuals are in a state of fear, they cannot come forward with these skills. They must actually release the fear in order to step into a greater space.

I would love to continue to the discussion if you have additional thoughts.

One can never underestimate the beauty of a good metaphor. While attending a dream workshop this week, I was reintroduced to the idea of companion gardening. I am sure many of you have heard the benefits of planting marigolds by your tomato plants or other vegetables in order to deter pests and bugs. Avid gardeners have researched hundreds of plants to determine which plants actually support one another in productive ways and which are detrimental to each other. Essentially, which plants are friends and which are foes.

The overarching lesson of this approach is that some partnerships or companions, when in proximity of each other, maximize the health of both plants. Others actually act as antagonists and ruin the flavor and production of vegetables and flowers. For example, beans thrive when planted near carrots, cucumbers and potatoes, but when grown near onions, they will absorb a distasteful flavor. Fennel is a loner herb and needs to be planted in isolation of other plants as it can actually stifle growth for certain (most) vegetables. Alternatively, garlic next to roses and raspberries improves both their growth and flavor.

Now that I’ve provided a helpful gardening lesson, my actual reason for writing about this topic today is to align this concept to our work. Nature serves as a powerful metaphor, not only in our leadership, but in our relationships. In the workplace and in relationship to each other, we act in very similar ways. There are some people and/or structures in the workplace which strengthen us and our ability to be effective. There are others who represent our “fennel”; they serve an important purpose, but they limit our ability to grow and perform to our best. As leaders, we see these very characteristics surface in our teams as well. Some members of our team operate as super companions, others are always in conflict.

When I speak to this concept, I also use the words people or structures very deliberately.  It’s often easier to identify the people in our lives who either support or hinder us, but naming those structures becomes more difficult.  We all have certain environments in which we thrive, certain structural elements in the workplace that support us. Peas need a trellis and tomatoes require a cage. In addition to considering your “companions”, it can also be valuable to reflect on structures which allow you to flourish.

So, I ask you today. . .

• Who in your life are your companions; those people who are planted near you, support your growth, encourage you to flourish and bring out the best in you?
• Who is not planted next you currently but needs to be? Who has energy and support that you might benefit from for your own development? These could be coaches or mentors that you need in your life right now, friends or family who you might want to draw closer or individuals who you need, but haven’t named yet.
• Who are the antagonists in your life that you might want to plant a little farther away? Like fennel, they may serve a strong purpose, but having them too close is not advantageous to your growth. This might be a friend or family member. This could even be a co-worker or your boss.
• How might you “plant” companions differently to better support your own growth and development? How might you ensure that you can bloom and flourish and that you have structures in place to guide your path?

Note: While most of our work at Innovative Connections is about aligning organizations, leaders and teams, it is important to remember that before we serve in any defined role (parent, employee, leader), we are above all human. Understanding our “humanness” is foundational to our ability to be effective in all the roles we play as people.

“Don’t stay where you are tolerated. Go where you are celebrated.” The Creative Commons

We each have a solid internal compass; a knowing that stirs within us. It’s that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach or the slight pain you feel in your chest.  It’s the lump in your throat that offers a critical message. A message of survival, and a message of enduring hope. The signal that screams for you to let go of the trapeze and grab the bar floating towards you. That voice whispering in your ear, “thrive and be celebrated for all that you are”.

We hear the call. We will sometimes even take a step towards it, but too often, out of fear for own security and protection of a fragile identity, we withdraw. We retreat back to a place of perceived safety. A place which has been our haven for too long. We know it is getting crowded. We feel the tightness of the space we are outgrowing. Yet, we continue to seek refuge from the unknown. We allow fear to quiet our internal voice. We find it difficult to act on what we know to be true.

But. . . the feeling grows.  It builds until it reaches a point where we have no choice. We can no longer stay in the space that has become too cramped. Like a trapeze artist who floats gracefully through the air, we know we must release one bar in order to grab the other. The timing must be right. If we let go too soon, we miss the moment and fall into the net. When we wait too long, we lose momentum and the other bar becomes out of reach or it takes more energy to grab it. Timing becomes everything. Our planning is purposeful, and intuitive knowing is trusted.

I had the privilege this week to work with over 150 leaders in various industries on different occasions. The theme that resonated in virtually all my conversations was the need to move towards something greater. To not stay stuck in what no longer fits. To have enough clarity to know what bar you were releasing and which you were reaching for. To be courageous enough to let go of one trapeze and grab the other. To be able to breathe through that moment when you are suspended in mid-air with nothing supporting you. To develop a safety net for a fall, but also to know you can climb back up the ladder and try again. And, to trust the sense of pure bliss in knowing that you have successfully moved into a space that fits your growing potential.

I wonder today, what spaces are you outgrowing? And what would it take to go where you can be celebrated?